Seperation Anxiety

My oldest daughter loves kindergarten. She sings little ditties about spelling and grammar to herself all the way home from her babysitter's house. She tells me about the "good-smelling playdough" (I guess ours smells bad?) and having snack at "centers." If there aren't any lines on the paper she is using to practice writing her name, she draws some in because the letters have to "run into the wall." It's awesome to see that she loves school so much. I suspected she would; she is such an eager little sponge. Of course the good comes with the bad; she and her friend were pointed and laughed at by bigger kids on the bus ("They were bad kids!" she tells me, and I respond, "Well, no, they just made a mistake. Everybody does.") It is hard to balance my faith in her strength and confidence with my fear of the world. I suppose it is a common experience to parents. I hear a lot about the first day of school being difficult, hard to let go. My difficulty was delayed. I didn't really expect to feel it much at all, truthfully. I don't get to stay home with my kids, so being away from them during the day is routine. Realizing her growth is like most other things in my life, I feel like I go through most of it with my eyes shut, and then suddenly my eyes open and it's a blinding glare of reality. My eyes will shut again soon, I'm sure. I do not think I would be very functional otherwise.

In other news, I was in the news! They misspelled my name, actually...but I can forgive them for that. The entire region is now privvy to the condition of my teeth, lol. I'm just glad a little bit of it was able to be taken care of! Seriously, I want to send that office all huge bouquets of flowers. It is awful, really, to know that your teeth are rotting away inside your head and even when the dentist goes to great lengths to help you out you have to shake your head and mumble, "I can't pay that." I read something the other day on Babycenter from a mom who couldn't afford dental care either, and her teeth were worse than mine. The thing about her comment that struck me was she confessed to having judged other people for having bad teeth. It is so easy, she said, to look at those of us with problems and think, "How in the WORLD could you have let it get so BAD?" Until you are there, unable to take care of such things, it is SO easy to judge. I am just glad there were those particular members of the community who cared enough to actually help. Love in action.

I am concerned that I will have to stay home tomorrow. Both of the girls are having some not-so-great tummy issues this weekend, and they weren't showing a lot of signs of slowing down today. We missed church for it, and all I can find on the subject says they should be diarrhea-free for 24 hours before going to school or childcare. Blech. I suppose at this point I should just be thankful my spouse and I don't have it!

Final thought: about the whole love in action; I need to find a way to pay it forward.

Love!

 My oldest daughter, when she around a year and half old, and my youngest, currently at a year and half old.

An Invitation

I am allowed to have bad days.

This was one of them.

You see, just about every day I log onto the most lovely Facebook and catch up on the tiny tidbits of the lives of people I have not talked to in person for ages. Normally I am content with this imitation friendship, as they have busy lives in other places and I have a busy (full, rather?) life in my own place and let's face it, I am resoundingly lazy and this affects EVERYTHING even silly things like phone calls. It's simply easier to stalk on the internets.

Anyway, the point is, today when I logged onto Facebook I was not content. I was sad. I felt absences. And distance. So I am contemplating throwing myself a pity party, and inviting everyone. There will be Netflix and gummi bears and ice cream. If this sounds like I am begging for friends, that's probably what it is.This event will be specified at a later date. (read: this event won't happen because I am the best at procrastination. My spouse and I have not even approached our wedding thank-yous yet.)

Actually the whole pity-party thing is secondary to the fact that I have been contemplating a blog for a while. I think I just like the idea of complaining to the world; also many people I respect have blogs and imitation is the highest form of flattery, no?

I also have been visiting my old deviantART site, http://www.child-of-the-stars.deviantart.com/ and actually liking a lot of my old stuff...I didn't think that was going to happen. It also makes me cringe that the pictures I have done that get the most views, comments, and favorites are my anime. Good heavens. It can be quite discouraging, actually. Anyway, this is the painting that I named my blog after. Thank you.

Love!

P.S. Now I feel better. Gracias.